|Some of these are good
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?
Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If a pit bull humps your leg you’d better fake an orgasm.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you’ll be right.
The easiest way to find something that’s lost is to buy a replacement.
How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it’s still there?
Why is there only one Monopolies commission?
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Guns don’t kill people – Husbands who come home early kill people.
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’
Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why you don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Why “abbreviated” is such a long word?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why they call the airport “the terminal” if flying is so safe?
Why is a package transported in a car called shipment, but on a ship it’s called cargo?
Why isn’t phonetics spelled the way it sounds?
Why Didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why is dyslexia so hard to spell?
Why is Lisp spelled with an “S”?
A 15-year-old boy was injured in an ATV accident at Jackson’s Neverland Ranch Thursday afternoon.
The teen was riding an all-terrain vehicle around Jackson’s ranch when it flipped over close to the singer’s house, according to the Santa Barbara News Press.
A security guard called paramedics to the scene, who airlifted the boy out of the ranch. He was later taken by ambulance to the Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital, where he was listed in good condition.
No info was released on the teen’s identity.
Source : HERE
Riiiiiiggggghhhhtttt ……. he fell off an ATV. We believe you Michael, kinda wierd though, all the bruises seems to be around the ass area. 😛 Just kidding ! We love you Michael !!!! Hope I can get an invite to the Ranch now. 😀
LOS ANGELES – To protest the U.S. Militaryâ€™s recent offer of free breast implants for its female enlistees, Kick Ass Pictures has fired back with an offer of its own: $1,000 worth of natural beauty enhancements to any woman who declines the offer.
According to a story in the July 26 issue of New Yorker magazine, the U.S. Military is offering free cosmetic surgery to all active duty members of the Armed Forces. According to the article, â€œanyone in a uniformâ€? is eligible for numerous cosmetic procedures performed by military surgeons, one of the most popular being breast augmentation.
Kick Ass Pictures, a company that has â€œNo Fake Breastsâ€? as a guarantee on the front of every movie it releases, is countering with an offer of its own.
The company will give any honorably discharged female veteran whose breasts are still natural a full day at the beauty spa of her choice, plus $500 in high-end lingerie, as a reward for resisting the temptations of cosmetic surgery
Source : HERE
Don’t you just love Porn companies that stand against the exploitation of Women ? And Kick Ass Pictures’ maxim for not hiring women with fake breasts is so goddamn honourable, isn’t it ? Only in America ? Yes, only in America.
|A Catholic priest and nun have been caught having sex in a car at an airport car park in Malawi.
The 43-year-old priest and 26-year-old nun were caught “in the act” in a tinted saloon car parked at Lilongwe International Airport.
The pair were brought before magistrates where they received a suspended six-month jail sentence with hard labour.
“It was a bizarre spectacle, the public alerted airport police after noticing the car shaking in a funny way,” police spokesman Kelvin Maigwa told the BBC.
In a packed and giggling court-room, both the priest and the nun pleaded guilty to the charge of indecent behaviour in a public place and disorderly conduct.
The nun told the magistrate she regretted her brief lapse in judgement, while the priest said that as a man of God he accepted Satan had tempted him.
Magistrate Arthur Mtalimanja accepted their pleas in mitigation, but admonished them saying that as servants of God they were the last to be expected to misbehave in public.
“I therefore sentence you to six months imprisonment with hard labour, but I will suspend it… because you have shown remorse,” he said.
If the couple repeat the offence in the next 18 months they will go to jail, the magistrate said.
OH GOD! OH GOD! OH YES! OH YES!
BEIJING (AFP) – A disabled ex-soldier has finally reached the lofty heights of Tibet after spending eight years walking 110,000 kilometers (68,200 miles) across China
Zhang Xikui, 47, from the northwestern province of Shaanxi, posed Tuesday in front of the Potala Palace in Lhasa, the capital of Tibet, Xinhua news agency reported Wednesday.
His trek though is far from over, as he plans to set foot in Taiwan in 2006, then walk to Beijing where he wants to amble into the main stadium during the 2008 Olympic Games.
Source : HERE
Man ! I wouldn’t even bother to walk my fat-ass across the street to the Convenient store, much less walk all the way to another country. And he’s disabled, too. I bet he’s just doing it to rub it in my face, the bastard 😛
|American Idol’s William Hung Found Dead of Heroin Overdose
Las Vegas, NV – Kitschy American Idol Star William Hung, famous for his botching of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs,” was found dead yesterday, apparently of an intentional heroin overdose. The announcement of his death sent shockwaves to the tens of people who still found him funny.
Ironically, Mr. Hung was found by a VH1 camera crew sent to begin filing “William Hung: Behind the ‘Music.'” Viacom immediately decided to rename the special: “William Hung: fifteen minutes till death.”
Friends of Mr. Hung say he had become despondent in recent days. “I don’t know, it’s just so sad,” said Ming Tse, one of Hung’s former classmates at Stanford, “I heard him the other day on Snotbubble’s Morning Madhouse; he kept trying to make William say things like ‘me so horny’ and ‘hey sailor’ while playing the sound of a bomb falling. I just know William was hurting inside when Snotbubble got him to say, ‘you wanna some-e egg foo young-e.’ It was so sad. I just think he was tired of the commercialization of it all.”
Other friends, who had lost contact with him in recent weeks, feared he was becoming too “Hollywood.” “I’m not surprised he was on heroin,” said Hung’s engineering cohort Melvin Samples, “I mean just two months ago we were out at our usual corner table at Smitty’s, and William actually went and talked to some girls. The next thing I know he’s doing shots with some hipster guys; they were calling him ‘Long Duck Dong’ and making him say ‘au-to-mo-bile.’ From what I hear, it’s not a long leap from that to heroin addiction.”
Stanford’s hippy population immediately misconstrued the situation and adopted Hung’s death as a pet cause. “He was a victim of the corporate greed-machine, just like Kurt [Cobain] and Eddie [Vedder, who is actually still alive],” said one dreadlocked mourner outside the engineering department at Stanford University, where a makeshift memorial had been set up, “he just wanted to sing, and Fox decided to turn him into this joke, man, this fucking joke. They just ate him up and spit him out. Fucking Bill O’Reily. I think it’s because he was against the war.” The last comment is apparently in reference to the fact that Hung once answered “no, thank you” when asked whether he was “for or against the war in Iraq.”
The Las Vegas police released part of his suicide note. It read, “I have no reason of living . . . my art which is my importance to the best everybody laugh to . . . I make end here . . . goodbye world of cruel.”
Although Hung’s immediate family disowned him seconds after his appearance on American Idol, it is believed he has an aunt in Toledo, Ohio who will take care of funeral arrangements.
THE ABOVE STORY IS NOT TRUE! I REPEAT! NOT TRUE!
|William Hung is alive
WILLIAM Hung is alive and kicking and still scheduled to come to Singapore for a concert.
In fact, he will also be filming a TV special for SPH MediaWorks, which will be shown on Channel U and Channel i.
His Father, Henry Hung, issued a statement recently to quell Internet rumours that his son had died.
He referred to an article last week in the satirical website, Broken Newz, which apparently started the rumours. The story said the American Idol reject was found dead, “apparently of an intentional heroin overdose”.
Hung said: “Anybody can say anything they want to say. I heard about this last week. Well, he just performed in Atlanta a few days after the article.”
His statement, relayed from Los Angeles where he and his son live, was released to the media here by Keith Sim, the organiser of Hung’s Sept 12 concert in Singapore.
Sim said he had received about 10 calls from fans here and concert promoters in Hong Kong and Taiwan about the rumours.
He said Hung is still scheduled to sing at the Esplanade.
The younger Hung, 21, will be in China before heading to Hong Kong to film a comedy, My Crazy Mother, with actress Nancy Sit. He might also hold a concert in Malaysia.
The civil engineering student will also film a TV special exclusively for SPH MediaWorks, the TV station said.
Filming will start next month in China and he will also be filming in Hong Kong and in Singapore.
There will be clips of him dancing and singing and he will also chat about his debut movie in the two-part, half hour special, which will be shown on Channels U and i in mid-September.
William Hung’s concert, presented by Novena Furnishing is at the Esplanade on Sept 12 at 8pm. Tickets at S$45, S$58, S$68 and S$78 (RM99 to RM171) are available from Sistic (02-6348-555). The concert also features local personalities Kumar, Leong, Abigail, Selena Tan, Hossan Leong, Abigal Chay and Irene Ang. Part of the ticket proceeds will go to the Kidney Dialysis Foundation. – The Straits Times Singapore/Asia News Network
|Wednesday, 19 Nov 2003
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton’s sex tape shame refuses to go away – a second video, in which she appears naked with a model pal, has reportedly surfaced. Producers of American scandal show Celebrity Justice claim to have unearthed information about a new sex film featuring a naked Hilton and Playboy playmate Nicole Lenz playing with sex toys. The film, allegedly shot after Hilton’s 22nd birthday party at the Bellagio in Las Vegas in February, also reportedly features Scary Movie 3 star Simon Rex – who appears to be the cameraman. Meanwhile, Hilton is looking to go public so she can formally apologize to her family for embarrassing them by appearing in a sex tape. She is allegedly in negotiations to feature in a TV interview in America, in which she plans to talk candidly about her recent sex tape controversy and apologize for shaming her high-ranking family. The socialite hit the headlines earlier this month when footage of her having sex with ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon leaked onto Internet sites.
Source : IMDB
|JOHANNESBURG: South African police are hunting a gang of large women thieves who raid stores, threatening staff with knives, and steal mostly small size clothing, a spokesman says.
“When they enter the store they do so in a large group and they intimidate the staff,” Inspector Michael Read said from the port city of Durban where police believe they have arrested most of the gang of 10 to 15 women.
“They’re quite large people.”
Read dismissed media reports that some of the gang had been part of the “A-Team”, a similar group of plus-size women criminals who operated in Durban a couple of years ago before they too were rounded up by police.
He said many of the latest gang had been incriminated after being caught on in-store closed circuit TV.
He said they stole a range of merchandise from Durban department stores, including perfume and clothes, and appeared to be stealing for resale by street hawkers rather than for personal use.
“Generally it’s the smaller sizes than what they would wear themselves,” he said.