|By Rex Strother
Jun 29, 2004, 09:28
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Diagnosed with SICD, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been checked into the Guccioni Medical Center for close observation and possible exploitation.
Dr. Flynt, of the eating disorder unit, explains the Olsen’s illness.
“SICD, or Sappho-Incestual Compulsive Disorder, is extremely rare. But, it is also extremely hot. Believe me when I say we are videotaping their behavior, from multiple angles, so that we can decide best how to proceed.”
“Of course, SICD is not unexpected in a pair who have been so close, living and working together from an early age. It is possible they spent most of their time in utero ‘soixante-neuf,’ if you’ll pardon my French. Perhaps they got a ‘taste’ for it then, if you’ll also pardon my pun.”
Just as Internet websites around the globe have ticked off the days until the twins reached their 18th birthday and became “legal,” it seems the twins themselves began to recognize the blossoming of womanhood in each other.
“First it was just glances between them, then casual friendly touching. It raised an eyebrow or two when they wanted to share a single trailer during films. Rumors of playfully batting each other with pillows, tickling and cheek-kissing ran rampant. And then word went out they were showering together.”
“I think Mary-Kate, who had a tendency toward anorexia, overheard two dolly grips snickering about how pussy was calorie-free and that was the final straw. She cast a naughty eye at Ashley and thought, ‘I gotta get down on that coochie.’ The rest was a lap-tastic frenzy that led to their hospitalization.”
“And, it solves the ticklish problem of transitioning from child to adult stars.”
Videos of their hospitalization and slow, sensual treatment, will be available through the New England Journal of Medicine and DualStar Video, the girls’ own production company. The first title, “Who’s Your Daddy – Oh Wait, I Already Know,” should be available in late August.
Source : here
|A schoolteacher has been suspended in Zimbabwe for allegedly giving pupils the choice of being caned or suckling her breasts.
The woman faces a disciplinary hearing after one of the pupils reported the ‘punishment’ to his parents, reports the Herald.
The boy claimed he was asked to choose between suckling the teacher’s breasts or receiving 100 strokes of the cane for being noisy.
The boy chose to suckle the teacher’s breasts, as did 14 others, according to the newspaper.
The headmaster of the Harare school summoned the teacher to respond to the allegations.
The teacher allegedly admitted forcing the children to suckle her breasts but could not give reasons why she had done so.
Harare provincial education director Tomax Doba confirmed the incident and said that his office had been furnished with a report from the school.
“We received a report from the school and the report says it happened. We have already advised them to make a police report and the teacher is likely to face child abuse charges,” Mr Doba said.
Uhh… O… K…? I’m kidding! Hwhwhwhw man if my teachers were like that… Oh by no means the pug ugly ones, oh no… I’m referring to those…
Uh… I’m getting too excited here…
As of Sunday, June 13, wonder twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are legal adults. The girls will be able to vote and buy cigarettes. Their 18th birthdays also mark the end of an era for the Olsen Twins Countdown Clocks, the Internet sites devoted to tracking the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds until the former Full House-rs come of age.
Read more here.
Man I’m so gonna miss those countdown clocks. But no worries, found a new one here. Can’t wait till Hermione Granger’s legal 😛
And it seems that I’m Mary-Kate Olsen.
Wheee. Take the quiz here.
And if you did take the quiz, you need psychological help. Like me 😛
Those people at the Akademi Fantasia website has implemented some sort of a graphical bar thingy, thus rendering the live results of the Akademi Fantasia result here on the page totally fucked up.
Will put up a different page soon just for that…
A new type of ultrasound scan has produced vivid pictures of a 12 week-old foetus “walking” in the womb.
The new images also show foetuses apparently yawning and rubbing its eyes.
The scans, pioneered by Professor Stuart Campbell at London’s Create Health Clinic, are much more detailed than conventional ultrasound. Professor Campbell has previously released images of unborn babies appearing to smile. He has compiled a book of the images called Watch Me Grow.
Read more here.
And a shout out to my friend aNT, whose sister-in-law just recently gave birth to a bouncing baby boy 😀 ‘Sup dude ?
My head’s fine though, but the problem is with my gastro-intestinal tract… I think I have a gastrick problem… It kinda burns when I don’t eat… Yeap, not a good thinkg to have…
And I haven’t been crapping properly lately… And being the devout eater that I am, I’m always full. But seeing it won’t come out the rear end, I even considered puking, but then again, I’m a chicken shit when it comes to puking… Some old phobia I had when I was a kid…
|By NEIL CUSTIS
ALEX FERGUSON is set to accept a £30million Real Madrid bid for Ruud van Nistelrooy – so he can land Wayne Rooney.
SunSport exclusively revealed on Saturday that Manchester United were preparing a £22m raid for wonderkid Rooney.
But Everton have already told them that will not be enough.
United’s board will not go to £30m unless boss Fergie sells.
Hitman Van Nistelrooy is the man who can bring in mega-money – and is ready to go.
As much as I’d want Rooney to play at Old Trafford, losing Nistelrooy, a man that has served Man. Utd. well, and of course, and undeniable striking habits is a bad choice in my opinion. Hmmm… So Ronaldo’s been crap, so is anyone thinking that Fergie has made a wrong decision in buying Ronaldo first when now a remarkable English player is nearby?
Great new site on technology has sprung up on the scene here in Brunei, and it’s owned by Zeroskull, which I regard as a top notch Illustrator artist. Anyway his site can be reached at http://getwired.zeroskull.com/, and from the looks of it, looks like it was a helluva massive php undertaking right there. Massive respect.
|HAPLESS David Walker faces jail after downing 15 pints of beer and drunkenly shooting off his testicles with a shotgun.
Walker, 28, picked up the weapon in his home after arguing with a friend at the pub, a court was told.
He pushed the barrel in his pocket and walked into the street.
He had emergency surgery and doctors were forced to remove both testicles, prosecutor Andrew Hatton told Sheffield Crown Court.
Defence barrister Gulzar Syed said Walker still needed an op to remove more pellets from his leg.
Mr Syed said Walker had no explanation for what happened, adding: “His mind was a blank.”
Walker, of Dinnington, near Rotherham, admitted having a prohibited weapon and faces an automatic five-year jail sentence.
The court was not told if the gun’s barrel had been shortened.
Sentencing was adjourned for a medical report and Walker was remanded in custody.
Judge Patrick Robertshaw warned him: “You face the inevitability of custody given the recent change in the law for the offence to which you have pleaded guilty.”